Today I am sad. I read about two families that suffered a great tragedy this weekend when a camper van was struck by a train and 4 people (3 children & a young adult) died. My hurt is so heavy for the boy who was driving the van and for his mother. Only 15 years old, and he's facing the most tragic set of circumstances. I just pray he is given the support and love he needs to get through. A novice driver who made a horrible mistake at an uncontrolled railway crossing. Unfortunately his mistake cost lives...and I just know he's hurting in a way I can't even imagine. So pray for him, won't you? Pray for his mother too, who lost her husband in a farming accident, and now two of her children. She is facing something I just pray I never have to face. Some families seem to go through more than their "fair share" of tragedy.
I've also been a bit emotional about my dad's upcoming nuptials. Don't get me wrong - I am very happy for him, and for his fiancee (she's a lovely lady). But this evening after we got home from bringing home a load of items that we are sorting through from my mom & dad's old place, I just reacted emotionally. Had a good cry (or two). There's something so final about sorting through my mom's old camel collections, her wedding dishes, her well-loved Christmas ornaments. I know she's been gone for over 3 years now...obviously it's final. But completing this task of weeding through her belongings, her precious books, photos, etc., is proving to be difficult for me. I feel like the family, that happy family I once belonged to, is gone. Really, it sort of is considering that it's just me and my dad left. And although my dad is still here, it just feels surreal - kind of like he's got a new family and everything is changing. I don't want him to be alone...I'm so happy that he's happy and that they're excited about the wedding and moving forward. For me though, their big day will be bittersweet. I will smile and raise my glass in a toast to the bride and groom (because I truly do hope they have a wonderful day and life together), but I will shed tears too...for what I wish could have been.
I was sitting on our stairs this evening, talking with Scott and crying while explaining how I'm upset, when my sweet girl came to see me. "Why are you crying, Mama?" she asked me. I explained that I miss my mommy, her Grandma Dawn. Annika responded with "Don't cry Mommy, please don't cry. She's alright. Grandma Dawn is alright". And I cried some more because Annika is right. My mom is alright now...she's happy and healthy and with her handsome son Marcos. But boy oh boy, do I ever miss those two something fierce. I miss my precious mother. I miss my brother and confidante, Marcos. He was such a cool kid. I adored him. And I think my kids would've too. I sure do thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful husband and kids. They keep me so happy. I would be so lonely without them! And my girl Annika is such a loving little girl. She's precious.
Here's my other treasure. This little guy is the cutest, most lovable little guy ever. And boy does he love his mommy!
Well I'm off to blow my nose. Hubby is waiting to comfort me and watch a movie. What a good man.
Penny
